Escape

Oh. I need an escape.
Tears begin to well in my eyes during a Yoga class that I look in desperate need of a Zanax.
No matter where I go. I am eyed...I am different. I stand out.
No matter how far I run..however hard my feet hit the pavement...I still find myself unsatisfied.
No matter how many good teaching days, there is still that bad one...that horrible one that sticks in your spine, making each muscle in your body cringe for support...something to hold onto...some happy moment to go back to so you don't feel completely and imensely hopeless in a country completely unlike your own.
As I walk home with tears streaming down my face, because I heard a song that reminded me of Erika.
I see a hiking path in the mountain...and I decide that my only escape for the night will be hiking this path until I get to pure darkness...Where me and my thoughts can be alone..unjudged...unnoticed.
The beauty of this alone feeling penitrates each end of my skin. I curl into a ball and for once feel satisfied that I have escaped the confusion, escaped the fear, escaped that day that took away my confidence as a teacher.
I dig my hands in the soil that lays beneath me and I pray to the energy of the universe.
Give me back my passion. Give me back my strength. Give me back my excitement.
I breath deep into the natural energy of earth, and sit on top of this dark hill meditating for a bit upon complete and pure silence.

Walking home. I see a pile of wood in the dumpster. Ah-ha...Art Project...A slight smirk enters my face for the first time that day, and I start to feel that fire ignite deep in my gut. Alright sweet girl....We got this.