I got something spawning up inside.
Can't break it out.
But it won't hide.
The integrity of it's spirit wants to burst.
Figure me out it screams..
Louder than it's thirst.
Release me harder and harder as it shouts.
While all the complexities begin to spill out.
I want a future.
That drags way deep
Giving me something proud.
Something I can keep.
Reaching further into it's depthness only provides anger.
What are you waiting on...
Why are you still up to dawn.
I got to find a way to reach down and scream it out.
Before I walk away from it without a shout.
It can be done.
I'm still here.
Something new is always near.

With the Expression of Words

To the expression in which I cant release physically.
I need to eacape with the frustrations...with the unhappines..with the wait to find release...
Awaiting my moment when I cam leave and start a new. I await that day to come true.
Awaiting the day I can lift my leg in dance..Without wanting to kick myself in the back of my pants.Awaiting the day all this anxiety ia released...asking one more time please please please.
  Im hidden in this Asian world...NoONE CAN touch me or make mw go home...So I spend each day await await..waiting for something to control my fate...but maybe this is it..the truth be told. My fate alive outright and bold..Live in the moment..and always do ur best...the only,realness is now..even if u traveled from east to west...Live in the moment one day at a time...allow the universe to take its time...with full power push forth and I rest...no longer will I feel...second best...

TO the Knee

Dearest Knee-

I know that you are ready to age faster than my entire body. But I am asking nicely.
Please stop.
Stop being so bloody difficult and maybe I will rub you more.
Actually no matter what I will rub you and ice you and love  you and tell you that everything is going to be alright,
But I do ask that in return you show some love and respect.
You see..as you know..I have a lot of energy.
That energy just needs to be put somewhere..and your the one that gets to take all heat.
Which is why you are the most important to me right now.
And I need you back.
I need you to heal...So I can make you stronger.
I know that you just want to chill.
And I have given you that.
But now it's time we make a deal.
I'll make you stronger..and show you more love.
If you just pull together and ease up on me.
Deal?
I would really appreciate it.

Sincerely, Yours...

Karyn

Wings.

So I guess in those mere moments...
When you've lost the inspiration.
When the things around you are ugly.
And you dread that trek home.
Your knee is aching...
While your heart is shaking...
And all you can think about is..
HOME.
You gotta look deep.
Into the things you keep.
Locked up for those
Certain days.
Long day without sun.
No strength to run.
And a vision that seems to have lost it's ways.
Just the sound of music.
A flick of a feather.
A Bird ready for flight.
Engage in the small things.
Let let bring joy, give your heart wings.
For a women who is ready to fight.

Long time no see.

Hello words.
Words which seem to come to few these days.
well not in my head.
but written down.
So hello again.

When I was a wee kido in the process of just begging to wear a training bra in hopes that my breast were going to get so large someday.
Crushing truth that THAT never happened.....
I used to begin my writing: Hello, How are you?
To my self.
My self.
Smart kid I tell you.
Why not...Ask the soul.
How are you.
Talking to the self.
The self is what causes all the emotions...
Your life is a battle....A battle with yourself..

"Finding yourself" "Making yourself happy" "Keeping yourself happy"
No battle with others..It's your SELF that puts those others in your life.
But it's you...that you have the battle with..
So Hello, how are you?
No that happy. NOT as happy as I want to be.
I wish I knew more what you wanted out of life. Cause I sure keep trying to figure it out.
See but if someone else asked me: How are you...my response..just like every single Korean person ("so, so" or "i'm fine")
But I'll tell myself the real answer to: "How are you?"
Now, let's try to fix this.

Monday Monday.

So I had an interesting experience on a day that nothing interesting happens.

It is a typical Monday for me.

Exhausted because of weekend excitment.

Exhausted because of the ridiculous amount of classes I have to teach on a MONDAY!

Then I let go of my day in the hot yoga studio, taught by a beautiful Korean women that sounds like she should be making relaxing CDs for pill popping Americans that can't seem to chill out when times get hard.

That's why I got a lot of love for her. Even though I don't understand a word she says until she says: FLEXA which interpreted to English means : Flex you damn American, why can't you be as limber as all these Asian women in class..Why are you the only white person taking a YOGA class...FLEXA ya DAMNA FOOTA.

Alright..alright..I push my foot straight..biting my cheek because I have never streched my foot this intensely before..Woo that is going to hurt later.

Anyway, still nothing different from my normal Monday routine.

Not even when class is over, and I enter the locker room full of naked asian women do I get uncomfortable...No my friends..I enjoy nudity probibily more than these Koreans..I'm comfortable with my body and I like the freedom that it feels.

Nope, pretty excited to strip down and hop the shower, until I see an naked Asian lady walking towards me.

Wait, she is looking at me..Talking to me.

She's naked.

I'm naked.

What is going on?

She inches closer, and I realize there is no escape. I gotta see what this lady wants.

Come to find out, she accidently took my locker key and I had hers.

No need to be worried.

Woo ee..Monday just got better!

The dreams of a child.

We dream our whole lives.
Ever since a child, and our imaginations are blazing, we create these adventurous stories.
We act them out during play or through art.
As we grow older, reality hits the soul deeper..
Putting out some of the fires in our soul.
Making things seem more impossible.
As we watch people around us, grow older, that have lived a life...experienced it all..
And they say, that dreams are dreams...When you get older those dreams become more dreams than reality.
The "real world" has no room for dreams to come true.
There is no way to make a living, fall in love, and still find that your inner adventurous spirit that ignited as a child, can still be igniting, can still be as pure as it was when you were 3.
But what if I can say. What if I can say that at this point in my life, I feel like my dreams are beginning to shape and open up in my reality. That life is beyond what I imagined...Beyond what I dreamed...
The excitement is invigorating.
I fear it is only a world I have created, because I'm so seperated from a world that I know...a Home that I grew up in...Friends that I have shared my life with.
All I know that if this feeling only last in this "world", then I will live it up to it's depths, allowing it to take shape in my heart...Letting my heart pump faster, my pupil dialate wider, and my soul start to reach the tip of my head screaming out to the world:  I'M IN LOVE.
WITH LIFE
WITH YOU
WITH ME
Thank you.
If only for this moment.
Thank you.